At sixteen, Dakota is the same age her character, Cherie Currie, was when she and Joan started their band. So, to help you understand the terror that The Runaways inflicted on Midwestern moms in the 1970s, here is the little girl from I Am Sam shaking her illegal-in-most-states stuff in vampy panties.

This is actually Dakota's voice, from The Runaways soundtrack. Idolator offers a vintage Runaways performance of "Cherry Bomb" for comparison:

And I'm going to offer is thanks that Taylor Momsen lost this role to Dakota, because Taylor would be five times more annoying than she already is if this were her. She's going to spend her whole life compensating for this, The Role That Got Away, isn't she? For reference, here is Taylor's new band, the Pretty Reckless, performing a growly little ditty called "A.D.D."

So, Dakota vs. Taylor. Fanning may seem like the hands-down winner, but consider this: She had to make out with Kristen Stewart for this movie. If you think sulky Stewart is awkward standing around on red carpets, just imagine filming a kissing scene with her. [MTV] [Idolator]

Oh No They Didn't provides a clip where Stern softens his tone from yesterday's scoffing indictment of the "fattest black chick I've ever seen." Yesterday, the very mention of Sidibe's name caused Stern and co-host Robin Quivers to burst into groans. One blogosphere of outcry later, they defended themselves by citing "food addiction," concluding that those who applaud Sidibe's work and offer her roles are telling her "stay this way."

Which is so sweet of them, to feign concern for Gaby, who may not even be in so bad a place, health-wise. At least Gabourey can get an accurate assessment from her doctor, unlike scores of chemically-addled addicts, who generally don't divulge their habits until they're en route to rehab. Which brings up a second reason it's stupid to go after Gaby: Even if she has a "food addiction," how do we know she isn't dealing with it appropriately? Sidibe's weight is down from its highest point; she has admitted to struggling with her size. As long as "sober partner" stays in the celebrity press' vocabulary and alcohol-monitoring anklets appear beside catwalks, it's preposterous to shun someone just because they don't look "healthy" to Howard Stern and extreme diet aficionado Robin Quivers.

So, if Gabourey Sidibe's "food addiction" should have kept her away from the Academy Awards' cameras, to avoid the juxtaposition of "there's Meryl Streep, sixteen-time nominee, and then you go, there's the most enormous fat black chick I've ever seen," then the Academy should also have barred host Alec Baldwin (recovering alcoholic), presenter Robert Downey, Jr. (recovering drug addict), dozens of eating disordered starlets, everyone carrying cocaine on their pockets (how many do you think that was?) and maybe Nicole Kidman for plastic surgery addiction.

It is a requirement of both Howard's profession and mine to invade celebrities' privacy and speculate about their personal lives. We do it because we enjoy gawking at the beautiful, the strange, and the viscerally disgusting human offerings of show biz. And when Howard and Robin gape at Gabourey, they are reveling in their disgust at the spectacle of a "fat black chick." Don't pretend like it's anything else. [ONTD via Jezebel]

Jayne mostly makes all of her own choices when it comes to her pageant routines. When brainstorming with her mother over her Wow Wear routine, Jayne suggests the concepts of "bee," "bird," and "waffle." Finally, she decides on "Michael Flower Jackson Moonwalk," which gets edited down to simply "Michael Jackson," because as Jayne says, "Everybody has a little bit of Michael Jackson in them."


She kind of has a gift for inane descriptions: "I feel like a banana split on a cupcake."


At the pageant, Jayne got a stomachache before going on stage, which I'd interpreted as scaredy farts (been there!). However, she pulled off her interview portion like a pro.


But then Jayne ended up puking, so she was actually a lot sicker than everyone thought. Still she got up and did her Michael Jackson Wow Wear routine, which the judges loved. (Also, what is up with the hooker boots on the backup dancers?) Sadly, Jayne was too ill to continue competing and had to withdraw from the contest.

[New York, March 10. Image via INF.]

• Corey Feldman says he was woken up today by his brother and sister who, "Informed me of the loss of my brother Corey Haim. My eyes weren't even open all the way when the tears started streaming down my face."

• He continued on his blog, "This is a tragic loss of a wonderful, beautiful, tormented soul, who will always be my brother, family, and best friend. We must all take this as a lesson in how we treat the people we share this world with while they are still here to make a difference. Please respect our families as we struggle and grieve through this difficult time. I hope the art Corey has left behind will be remembered as the passion of that for which he truly lived." [People]
• A spokesman for the L.A. County Coroner's office says Corey Haim had been suffering from flu-like symptoms for several day. Early today he stumbled in front of his mother at her apartment. "Some time after midnight, he got up, he was dizzy and unsteady on his feet and knelt down," said the rep. "His mom helped him to a bed and he became unresponsive in about a minute or so. She dialed 911 and he was pronounced dead at a local hospital at 2:15 a.m. [People]
• The coroner continued, "There were no illicit drugs found at the residence. There were four prescription bottles taken," but they were "just normal prescriptions... The Los Angeles Police Department reported it was a possible drug overdose, but we've seen no signs of foul play at this time. It's pending an autopsy and toxicology." [Us]
• Corey Haim was alive when paramedics arrived. He tried to get out of bed, then fell to his knees. Neighbors say he was transported to the ambulance wearing an oxygen mask over his face. [Radar, TMZ]
• A friend of Corey Haim's said, "I'm not surprised that this has happened because he was abusing prescription drugs. Corey got really upset that his mom was being treated for breast cancer and that she had lost her hair because of chemotherapy. She is all he really had in the world and although he was helping her he got pretty depressed about the situation. Corey was a helpful person and a good friend to me and I'm very upset that he has died but I knew that he had been taking too many pills recently to help him cope with the stresses in his life." [Radar]
• In an interview with Radar, Corey Haim's mother Judy says, "I am a cancer victim and Corey was helping me at home... He was a good boy. I'm devastated by his death." [Radar]
• In the video at the link, Corey Feldman's estranged wife Susie Feldman says Corey Haim's mother is "really torn apart" by the death of her son. [Radar]
• Corey Haim's manager Mark Heaslip says, "I really don't think it was an overdose. He was doing really well. He did struggle with substance abuse, but I've repped him for a year-and-a-half and part of my agreement with him was that he had to be clean. That was the number one priority." [People]
• Mark Heaslip adds that it took the ambulance 20 minutes to get to Corey Haim's mother's apartment, and by then it was "too late." [TMZ]
• At the link are Tweets from more than a dozen celebs about Corey Haim. Soleil Moon Frye writes: "RIP Corey Haim. Nobody made listening to 80's music back in the day look so good…Save a dance for me up there." [E!]
• Here's a short history of Corey Haim's issues with substance abuse. He started drinking at 15, smoked pot at 16, then went on to use cocaine and crack. After several stints in rehab he started using prescription drugs. He once said, "I started on the downers which were a hell of a lot better than the uppers because I was a nervous wreck, but one led to two, two led to four, four led to eight, until at the end it was about 85 a day. And that was just Valium. I'm not talking about the other pills I went through." [Us]
• Producers for Celebrity Rehab approached Corey Haim within the past 10 days. They says he was, "extremely defensive and insulted, saying, 'It's the last show I'd ever do... I do not need help.'" [TMZ]
• Todd Bridges, who participated in a failed intervention for Corey Haim in 2008, said, "Corey Haim was a good friend of mine and he will be missed. Too many people are dying way too young and it's sad because of the loved ones who are left behind to understand what happened and to feel the loss. I hope he's in a better place." [People]
• Film producer Tina Brown says Corey Haim was about to start working on the film A Detour in Life, which he would have acted in and directed. "This was to be his directorial debut," she said. "We were going to start shooting in late spring. I talked to him back in November at the premiere of American Sunset and he was doing great, so it was really a shock." [E!]
• A producer from Corey Haim's latest film The Dead Sea says Corey Haim added a stipulation to his contract that the set should be alcohol and drug-free because he wanted to avoid temptation. [TMZ]
• Corey Haim's friend and Decisions co-star Anthony Vitale says his death, "does not surprise me. I know he's been struggling with substance abuse for quite some time... I extended an offer to help," said Vitale, but Haim's reaction was "lackadaisical and nonchalant, like it wasn't a problem." [LAT]
• Corey Haim's former friend Nathan Folks says, "Corey was a great person that struggled with being a past child actor. The pressure this town has on people to make it is very intense and Corey struggled with drugs all of his life. He was obsessed with Vicodin and pain killers. When he came to my house, that was all he wanted. He worked really hard to overcome his addiction to illegal drugs and was very anti-drugs and was in AA and NA for years which really saddens me. But it seemed like he turned to prescription drugs instead." [Fox News]
• Daisy De La Hoya, who met Corey Haim a few weeks ago, says, "Corey was looking forward to the future, he was making plans. He had a movie coming up and he was talking about directing, I can't believe he would of done this on purpose, it had to be an accident." [Radar]
• Lily Allen has is doing a reality show about opening her clothing store Lucy in Disguise with her sister. "Lily was approached about the TV show and thought it would help promote her new ventures as well as letting people get to know her a bit better," said a source. [The Sun]
• Today on Howard Stern's radio show, Jamie Jungers was won a Tiger Woods' mistress beauty pageant and took home $75,000. [TMZ]
• Roger Friedman says all the awards Precious has received should shame the National Board of Review, which basically snubbed the film this year. [Showbiz 41]
• The estate of Travis Barker's friend Chris Baker, who died in their 2008 jet crash, has settled a wrongful death suit for millions. [TMZ]
• Charlie Sheen will be out of rehab and back at work on Two and a Half Men on Tuesday. [E!]
• The German man accused of blackmailing Cindy Crawford with photos of her daughter was sentenced to two years in jail. In a statement Crawford said, "We want to express our gratitude to the FBI, the U.S. District Attorney's Office in Los Angeles, and the German Law Enforcement Authorities for their coordination and efforts in this case, which resulted in the successful prosecution and incarceration of the perpetrator." [EW]
• At the link is a slide show of Martin Scorsese's favorite movie posters. [GQ]
• A.C. Slater is going to be a dad! Mario Lopez and girlfriend Courtney Laine Mazza are expecting a baby. She's three months pregnant, and of course they're "over the moon." [Star]
• Casey James, who is apparently someone from American Idol, went from "hellraiser to heartthrob." [Star]
• Kendra Wilkinson recently introduced Hugh Hefner to her baby. "The baby is a winner!" says Hef. "He's a gorgeous baby. Kendra should be very proud." [People]
• Roseanne Barr keeps insisting that Marie Osmond's son Michael Bryan killed himself because the Mormon Church is anti-gay. Today she wrote on her blog, "I hope Michael's friends will contact me here. The truth about his life needs to come out." [Radar]
• Leona Lewis has signed a six-figure publishing deal for the rights to her songs. "This is a really good deal for Leona," says a source. "It could end up worth over £1million." [The Sun]
• 19-year-old Sarah Killen, the woman Conan O'Brien randomly decided to follow on Twitter, and her fiance were interviewed earlier today on CNN. Supposedly she's become, "America's most beloved celebrity-for-no-reason since Levi Johnston." [Medialite]
• Freddie Prinze Jr. says he doesn't mind changing his four-month-old daughter's diapers. "I'm good at it. I'm fast," he said. "I can time myself, 46 seconds." [People]
• NeNe Leakes son Bryson Bryant was arrested and jailed for a minor marijuana possession charge on March 7. "Like any parent, I am disappointed with the actions and arrest of my son, Bryson," says NeNe. "Certainly, my husband and I will deal with this family issue in a private manner. My son is not the first young adult to experiment with marijuana, and he certainly won't be the last. Still, as parents, this is a chance for us to have an open dialogue with him about the dangers of any substance abuse. I realize as a parent that my job is never done. And as I've tweeted, tough love was in order." [People]
• Milo Ventimiglia co-produced the comic book Berserker. Creator Rick Loverd says, "I had written Berserker as a TV spec script and handed it to my agent at William Morris. My agent said it was too violent and there was no way it would ever get made, but ended up giving a copy to Milo. Milo read it and agreed that there was no way it would ever be a TV property but he instantly saw it as a great comic." [USA Today]
• Robert Pattinson says he regrets saying he's "allergic to vagina" at a recent photo shoot. "When you sit around for like five hours with someone, you just regret everything that comes out of your mouth," he said, adding that when his friends read the quote they told him he sounded like "such an arrogant idiot." [Extra]
• "When it comes to the opposite sex, I'm not as fully confident as the guy I play [in Remember Me]. I don't even remember the last time I asked someone out on a date, like, just went up to them and that's the first thing I did. I'm much more self-conscious and not wanting to fail. So I tend to hold back." — Robert Pattinson [E!]
• "I got beaten up by a lot of people when I was younger,"says Robert Pattinson. "I was a bit of an idiot, but I always thought the assaults were unprovoked. I liked to behave like an actor, or how I thought an actor was supposed to be, and that apparently provoked a lot of people into hitting me." So, some things never change? [Us]
• Q: "Has it begun to sink in yet that Lost is really, truly nearly over?" Michael Emerson: "No, probably because I just don't absorb these things the way other people do. I always have delayed reactions. In June or July, you'll probably find me weeping somewhere." [People]
• Jack White says of leaving the White Stripes to form two different bands, "Maybe because of the environment I'm from [ie alternative rock], the way I've handled the business of what got me into the mainstream, or got the White Stripes into the public eye, I have the ability to say, 'Well, I can stop this whenever I want to, and totally jump into a different river.' I'm very fortunate that I can do that. I'm also fortunate that I don't care. I'm told it's not good business, but I just don't care. It's more important to challenge yourself and see what works and try new paths. A lot of them are going to be dead ends, but that doesn't matter to me - at least I tried. I could sit home and just do nothing." [Telegraph]
• Vs. cover girl Claire Danes says in the new issue that she's glad My So Called Life is getting a lot of attention. "It is not something I am remotely ashamed of - quite the opposite. I feel really lucky to have been part of something that continues to resonate so many years after," she said. [ONTD]
• The 200th episode of South Park airs on April 17. Co-creator Trey Parker says that while other shows do flashback episodes, "We're not going to be that lazy. We're not going to do that. But what if we bring back the biggest moments and revisit them – basically, we bring back everyone who's [ticked off] at us. All the people that are [ticked off] at South Park the town are going to file a class-action lawsuit against the town. So basically it's going to be an all-star, who's who. Tom Cruise and everyone's going to be back." [NYT]

Don't let the tricky phrasing of Twitter's Biz Stone fool you: Birthday boy has been acquainted with his 30s for quite some time.

Julia Allison, an actual business owner, continued to struggle with basic math.

GQ writer Ana Marie Cox adjusted the subtlety of her jokes to match the subtlety of her venue.

Twitter's Doug Bowman, designer, observed a user error in action.

Lefty logger John Aravosis learned to hate Democratic politicians just like his colleagues in the right-wing blogosphere. That's what the Congressional leadership might call "bridging both sides of the aisle."

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

[Washington, D.C., March 10. Image via Getty]

ASHINGTON - MARCH 10: U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton (L) chats with first lady Michelle Obama (R) during the fourth annual Award for International Women of Courage ceremony at the State Department March 10, 2010 in Washington, DC. The award was to pay tribute to outstanding women leaders worldwide. Ten women were presented with the award this year. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Writing for the San Francisco Chronicle's City Brights blog, Magowan says women without children are "often pitied; people wonder at what point in their lives they veered off onto their unnatural, unfeminine paths, becoming lonely 'spinsters' or crazy cat ladies." But she quotes Elizabeth Gilbert, who writes in Committed that "It's as though, as as a species, we need an abundance of responsible, compassionate, childless women to support the wider community in various ways." One of these ways apparently is the time-honored practice of aunty-ing. Magowan reiterates Gilbert's list of luminaries raised or influenced by childless aunts, including John Lennon, Virginia Woolf, and Coco Chanel. She concludes, "to the 'Auntie Brigade,' thank you for working hard to continue the human race."

I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand, I grew up really close to a childless aunt. She introduced me to the Archie McPhee catalog, let me stay up late while she told embarrassing stories about my mom, and taught me why they don't send donkeys to college (nobody likes a smart ass). She's been a pretty huge influence on my sense of humor and on my cultural tastes (though her tendency to remember only the one funny line from an otherwise shitty movie means I no longer go with her to Blockbuster), and she had a big enough hand in my brother's and my upbringing that my mom used her to explain the concept of an allomother. That's an animal who provides some care for other animals' young, which seems to be sort of how Magowan understands aunts.

But: my aunt has also spent much of her life not caring for anybody's young. She works, she plays with her dogs, she has a big network of friends and cousins she often travels to see. Helping raise us has certainly been part of her history, but she has many other identities besides "aunt," and she deserves recognition as a person in her own right, not just as a contributor to my family. As Magowan points out, childless men are often "admired, or even envied, as the self-sufficient bachelors they are." Childless women deserve to be admired for themselves too — not just for what they can do for others.

Best-Selling Author Elizabeth Gilbert Says Childless Women Are Just Fine [SF Chronicle City Brights Blog]

As The L.A. Times reported yesterday, the Best Director-winning Bigelow turned down the new, gritty Spider-Man flick, which was eventually taken up by (500) Days of Summer director Marc Webb.

What would a Bigelow-helmed Spider-Man look like? Well, if we use her past films as a template, it would be a cinematic masterpiece. Dream with us...

Script for SPIDER-MAN: NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE

Directed by KATHRYN BIGELOW

CAST
Logan Lerman as PETER PARKER/SPIDER-MAN
Taylor Lautner as MATT "FLASH" THOMPSON
Keanu Reeves as MICHAEL MORBIUS/MORBIUS THE LIVING VAMPIRE
Ralph Fiennes as DOCTOR OTTO OCTAVIUS/DR. SQUID
Jeremy Renner as NITRO, THE LIVING BOMB
Jenette Goldstein as AUNT MAY
Gary Busey as UNCLE BEN

Soundtrack by TANGERINE DREAM

SYNOPSIS
It is December 31, 1999. Peter Parker is the Amazing Spider-Man, a brave but reckless superhero. Parker feels responsible for the death of his Uncle Ben, who died in a bank robbery. Spiderman's devil-may-care attitude has caused a great deal of property damage, leading his best friend Matt "Flash" Thompson - the only person to know Peter's secret - to become an FBI informant. Flash is Midtown High's star quarterback with a NCAA offer to play at Ohio State, but Flash will lose his scholarship if he does not cooperate with FBI Agent Michael Morbius.

Unbeknownst to Flash, Morbius is a centuries-old vampire from the antebellum South. His actually goal is to turn Parker into an unkillable Spider-Vampire who will quash the insurgency in Iraq. Meanwhile, cyberpunk criminal Dr. Otto Octavius (a.k.a. "Dr. Squid") has been killing prostitutes and selling VR snuff discs to high-schoolers. Dr. Squid is an ex-submarine captain who runs his operation from a submersible hidden in the East River.

SCENE #1
[PETER and UNCLE BEN are waiting in line at a bank. UNCLE BEN is reading a newspaper.

UNCLE BEN: Hahaha! This Calvin and Hobbes is funny! Peter, it's time for lunch!

PETER: Uncle Ben, it's 10:30

UNCLE BEN: [points out the window] Right around the corner, there is this sandwich shop. Meatball sandwiches. Best I've ever tasted. Go get me two.

[PETER stars to leave, BEN stops him]

UNCLE BEN: Peter! Gimme two!

[PETER leaves. NITRO, THE LIVING BOMB enters the bank. He is wearing a Millard Fillmore mask.]

NITRO: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I am The Ex-President, there's enough bang in me to blow us all to Jesus.

UNCLE BEN: Back off, war child. [BEN begins slowly dialing 911 on his cell.]

NITRO: Put down the phone! Put down the phone!

[UNCLE BEN ignores him.]

NITRO: Drop the phone!

[NITRO in a rage, uses his superpower to blow up the bank. He escapes. PETER returns, discovers UNCLE BEN's corpse, and begins firing a dead security guard's gun straight in the air.]

PETER: Noooo!

NITRO: Right now his frontal lobes are like two runny eggs.

PETER: [angrily] Hey Nitro, his name was Ben Parker!

NITRO: Who cares!

SCENE #14

[PETER has revealed that he is Spider-Man to FLASH. PETER has a box of souvenirs from his past battles with villains, including Vulture's wings, Scorpion's stinger, and Rhino's horn.]

PETER: This box is full of stuff that almost killed me.

FLASH: Well, that's just hot shit, Pete. You're a wild man, you know that? How many supervillains have you took down?

PETER: Eight hundred seventy-three, Flash.

FLASH: Eight hundred! And seventy-three. Eight hundred! And seventy-three. That's just hot shit. Eight hundred and seventy-three. And you've only been Spider-Man three weeks!

[PETER holds up Stilt-Man's severed stilts, legs still in them.]

PETER: Counting today, yeah.

FLASH: That's gotta be a record. What's the best way to beat a supervillain?

PETER: The way you don't die, brah.

[The RADIO blares on.]

RADIO: Breaking news! Morbius the Living Vampire has just attacked the Spider-Man Day Parade, which was inexplicably held at night this year! Macy Gray has been transformed into a vampire! I repeat, Macy Gray has been turned into a vampire!

[PETER puts on his mask.]

PETER: Little hand says it's time to rock and roll.

FLASH: Wait, Peter! I am an FBI agent!

PETER: Yeah, I know man. Ain't it wild? That's what makes it so interesting. You can do what you want, and make up your own rules. Why be a servant to the law, when you can be its master?

FLASH: Peter, I'm at my point of breaking! This isn't like the times I used to hurt your feelings and toss you in a locker! We're living in strange days! We're near dark! K-19: The Widowmaker!

[PETER takes off his mask and tosses it to FLASH].

PETER: If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die comfortable.

SCENE #68

[SPIDER-MAN swings over to the East River. He confronts MORBIUS THE LIVING VAMPIRE who has a rigged a surfboard with IEDs.]

MORBIUS Hey dude, I, uh, rigged my board with bombs that will turn people into vampires and stuff. You'll never be able to defuse it in time! Bogus!

[MORBIUS bites into a nearby surfer.]

MORBIUS: I hate 'em when they ain't been shaved. Wyld Stallyons!

SPIDER-MAN: What the fuck? Kathryn Bigelow didn't direct Bill and Ted.

MORBIUS: Does anybody actually surf in the East River?

SPIDER-MAN: Touché.

SCENE #3,728

[PETER is on the East River on MORBIUS' surfboard, which is still rigged with vampire bombs. He is surfing towards DR. SQUID'S submarine lair. Suddenly, his Spider-Man mask lands on his board.]

FLASH: [off-screen] Lose something, brah?

[FLASH THOMPSON has boogie-boarded out.]

FLASH: You gotta go down, Pete. You crossed the line and people trusted you and they died.

PETER: Yeah, it went bad. Real bad.

FLASH: You realize every time you suit up, every time we go out, it's life or death. You roll the dice, and you deal with it. You recognize that don't you?

PETER: Yea, yea, I do. But I don't know why. I don't know, Flash. You know why I'm that way?

FLASH: No, I don't.

[FLASH suddenly handcuffs himself to PETER.]

FLASH: I told them you'd go quietly.

[In the background, COAST GUARD boats are closing in. They are coming to arrest the criminal SPIDER-MAN.]

PETER: You know there's no way I can handle The Vault, man.

FLASH: You gotta go down! It's gotta be that way!

PETER: Good for you, Flash. You're going to be a big hero now. But look at it. [motions to DOCTOR SQUID'S submersible] Look at it! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Let me go out there and let me get one villian, just one villain before you take me in. I mean, come on man, where I am I gonna go? I'm not gonna paddle my way to Wakanda! Come on, compadre. Come on!

[FLASH unshackles PETE.]

FLASH: Vaya con dios, Spider-Hombre.

[PETE begins surfing the bomb-laden board toward Dr. Squid's sub.]

COAST GUARD MEMBER#1: You let him go!

FLASH: No, I didn't.

COAST GUARD MEMBER #2: We'll get him when he comes back in!

FLASH: He's not coming back.

[DOCTOR SQUID'S submersible explodes in a miniature mushroom cloud. FLASH takes out his Ohio State letter of intent and throws it in the water. Cue Ratt's "Nobody Rides For Free."]

[Surfing Spidey photo via floridapfe's Flickr. Apologies to Kathryn Bigelow. Congrats on your Oscars.]

[New York, March 9. Image via INF]

And they are in the works: The LA Times reports that Warner Bros. is looking at a couple of different ways to redo the classic. One project, called Oz, is being produced by the folks behind Twilight and Shrek Forever After. A second Oz film is being written by the same guy who penned A History of Violence and "and focuses on a granddaughter of Dorothy who returns to Oz to fight evil." There's a third project, a film based on the Broadway show Wicked, but that's not as worrying. Here's what scares me:

Steven Zeitchik writes:

…There's plenty of appeal in trying to take the story of Dorothy & Co. back to the big screen. For one, there's the bonkers $210 million global opening for "Alice," which shows that if you're trying to create a mega-blockbuster, one smart way to do it is to take a title people know and update it for the effects era.

Now Alice In Wonderland is one of my favorite stories. But I am trying to delete Tim Burton's shlocky, depressing Alice out of my mind. A tale about wonderful, curious, silly things became a forced, faux-epic effects-reliant reluctant hero story that broke my heart. I can take bleak, gothic overtones, but where was the whimsy, the delight? As Hortense wrote, "there was just a lack of love in the film." Why should a new Oz be any different? We've seen what's become of Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Brite. I'll admit that Fairuza Balk's Return To Oz wasn't bad. But it's devastating thinking about Dorothy as a hipster warrior; or Flying Monkeys that look like Avatar's Na'vi or picturing Dorothy's granddaughter wearing sparkly Chucks. Not only do I have zero faith in Hollywood getting it right, I hate that dollar signs are only reason the studio finds the idea appealing. It's not like they're scooping up a homage-type script by a devoted fan. And I have this sick feeling that Kristen Stewart could get cast.

Anyway: Part of the charm of The Wizard Of Oz is that you're watching an old movie. Seriously, Warner Bros. would leave this project alone, if they only had a brain.

A New 'Wizard Of Oz' Could Make Its Way Down The Hollywood Road [LA Times]

Earlier: The Power Of Ruby Slippers
Ruby Slipper Party: Celebrities, Booze & Shoes, Oh My

[Budapest, March 10. Image via Getty]

A spectator examines a giant sculpture of a panty hosed leg on March 10, 2010 at an open air exhibition entitled ''The Magnificent Innovations for Women'' in Budapest. Giant installations representing revolutionary products that changed women's lives in the 20th century can presently be seen in central Budapest. AFP PHOTO / ATTILA KISBENEDEK (Photo credit should read ATTILA KISBENEDEK/AFP/Getty Images)

Tishby brokered the deal that turned the Israeli show Be Tipul into HBO's In Treatment; she's an executive producer on the American version. A film, television, and music star in her native Israel, she's done some screen work here (Big Love, The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past) but seems focused on producing now. Also onstage: Sarah Treem, a playwright who crossed over to TV with In Treatment and recently added How To Make It In America to her roster, and Yael Hedaya, a novelist and playwright who worked on the Israeli original. They'd been discussing how to portray therapy onscreen, the cultural differences between Israel and the United States, what it took to make a good show. And then.

"I'm particularly intrigued by your tenacity and your confidence," said the (female) questioner. "You're a woman, and you're beautiful. And I'm particularly intrigued by your relationship with your beauty, and how that comes across when you're producing."

The room murmured. Tishby, an exuberant, rather formidable presence, had been tripping all over herself to give credit to her co-panelists ("I'm nothing without these two. I wouldn't exist"), but there was nothing to do but to answer.

After stammering a bit, she found her ground, giving a refreshingly honest glimpse inside a particularly female predicament in the entertainment industry that few would be caught dead talking about.

"I feel awkward about answering this question," she said, "because the answer I really want to say is, 'Boo fucking hoo me. Poor me!' Saying like, 'Oh you know, it's really hard,' is crap, and there are harder things than that, than to… be – to be pretty."

Then she said, "It's not something that's in my DNA. And yes, it's an advantage, but it can be a problem. And it's something that I need to make sure I have no particular relationship to, good or bad, because it just is. And people may react to it in a certain way, but that's just their story. That's how they see it. And it's not something I complain about. Do I get upset when I get, for lack of a better word, disrespected? Absolutely. Especially in LA. They'll definitely have this attitude of, 'Oh, you're clearly — I can be inappropriate with you,' or whatever. And it happens. It happened a lot, and I found myself in a lot of those awkward situations, but you just have to remove yourself from them and stick to whatever it is that you want to say."

The shelf-life of a starlet in Hollywood is brief and often brutal, and going behind the camera is clearly a better long-term bet, even if being taken seriously is a challenge. And broadly speaking, women are better-represented as producers in both film and especially television.

Tishby went on, "The great thing about producing for me is that it's not about me. It's really easy because I can be as passionate as possible. About me as an actress, I am as insecure as they come. I will not be tenacious about me. I can't. But if I'm talking about In Treatment, it's not me. It's this thing that's outside of me, that is brilliant, that is amazing, and I will fight you over it."

It's just one opinion, but I wouldn't be surprised if this thinking wasn't partly behind the decisions of plenty of other women — Hollywood-beautiful or not — to go with the producing route, a job that rewards both aggressiveness and nurturing.

On a side note, when I interviewed Manohla Dargis last December, she wondered whether the paucity of female directors wasn't in part due to women being encouraged to be producers, a collaborative role as opposed to directing, "which is seen as an individualistic, creative, idiosyncratic individual going off and doing his thing." So, to Tishby: May we suggest directing be added to the list?

Meangirl.for.the.Horde:

I remember that episode of The Two Coreys when Haim was reading Defamer comments, and thinking: ouch, this probably won't end well.

Maloon-Rouge:

I must have watched The Lost Boys thirty times on my VHS before the tape in the cassette twisted-up and the movie got all stop-moment, horny teenage blood-lust and epic hair gel 80s pop horror, on me.

JaneMare:

Apparently, 2009 didn't do a good enough job of raping my childhood, so 2010 felt compelled to step in.

CowboyRob:

Sad. He was a kid my age from my neighbourhood in Toronto, so when he hit it big in the mid-80s, I remember being really jealous as all the girls were crazy about him. It was a big life lesson for me when he first got all messed up.

Still, I really hoped he'd turn it around. RIP.

JeanneJibsy:

Saddest part = Oakwood Apartments. They're a huge complex right near Warner Bros. and Disney and Universal where aspiring actors (largely unknown bit players and Disney Channel kids) are put up by the studios when they first land in Hollywood. Or by actors just passing through on projects that have finite shooting schedules.

Appropriately, they're affectionately known as the "Cokewood Apartments."

Unsolicited Advice:

We will remember the films, we will remember the struggles, but mostly? We will remember the hair. The lustrous, grabbable hair.

[Los Angeles, March 9. Image via INF]

But if you want a quickie, head to Thailand, where sex lasts only an average of 10 minutes. • New York Magazine has scored an interview with the adorable married couple who won an Oscar for their work editing The Hurt Locker. Bob Murawski and Chris Innis had been together for 15 years, but they only got married after finishing The Hurt Locker. "If that didn't break us up, nothing would," said Bob. •  Ads for Durex lube aired in the UK during Gordon Ramsay's The F Word, which goes on at 10 pm. An advertising watchdog agency has complained about the somewhat explicit ads, which had been cleared for broadcast only after 11. •  Displaced women living in the camps around Port-au-Prince face an almost-constant threat of sexual violence. The camps do not have separate latrines for men and women, and they have no lighting, making them unsafe after dark. There are no reliable figures on the incidence of rape, but reports have placed attacks on the rise. •  A recent study found that women over 40 have an unexpected talent: Math. Researchers believe that their experience with time management may help them excel with numbers. •  Need a little help with hump day? Check out this video of a cat drinking water in the cutest way possible. • British authorities have issued an apology to the two daughters who were raped by their father — the so-called "British Fritzl" — for a period of 25 years. Over that time, the family had contact with 28 different agencies and 100 members of staff over 35 years. "We are genuinely sorry. We should have protected you," said Chris Cook, independent chair of Lincolnshire Safeguarding Children Board. •  Happy birthday Dora! The exploring heroine turns 10 this year, and to celebrate, she will be featured on dozens of different PSAs and products. She will also be the bilingual spokesperson for an initiative launched by the National Parents and Teachers Association. •  27-year-old New Orleans woman Markisha Burks has been sentenced to serve a year and a day in prison for falsely claiming that her home was damaged by hurricane Katrina. Burks collected $11,000 in aid, even though she did not own a home when Katrina struck. She has been convicted of 12 counts of fraud and will pay $11,426 in restitution. •  A North Carolina Superior Court judge has said that if Andrew Young does not hand over the alleged sex tape, both he and his wife will face 75 days in prison for contempt. Elizabeth Edwards's sister Nancy Anania spoke to People about Young and the verdict: "People who have read his book know he was willing to lie for years before the book was written," says Anania. "It would naturally follow he is willing to lie after the book was written." •  As the first American woman in space, Sally Ride recognizes the importance of getting girls into the sciences. "The message that our culture sends to kids is that science isn't cool, that science is really hard. In 5th and 6th grade kids start to internalize that. Everyone wants to be normal at that age. It's very important to counter those messages, and to make the teachers aware of this too. Often teachers don't realize how pervasive the messages are," she told Reuters. • Today is the anniversary of the 1993 assassination of Dr. David Gunn, the first abortion doctor killed in the U.S. by an anti-choice murderer. It is also the National Day of Appreciation for Abortion Providers. We're not sure how one should celebrate - perhaps with fetus-shaped cookies (not our first choice, really). •  A woman from the village of Sachino in rural Georgia says she is the oldest woman in the world. If she is in fact 129 like she claims, she will be more than full decade older than the currently certified "oldest living person." • 

Yeah, I don't know where you get yours from — or, rather, where the guy who you get yours from gets his from — but New Jersey state police just seized more than $10M in trees from a "sophisticated growing operation" in Middlesex County. Duuude! And look at how the cops caught onto them. From the New York Post:

State police said Wednesday that the sophisticated growing operation was first detected last month when a Monroe Township police officer smelled marijuana coming from the chimney of a home in the Middlesex County community. Police say a man inside was found to be burning unusable parts of pot plants in the fireplace.

Brilliant! Done in by the sweet smell of a wasted day.

While we're not terribly in the know about where our drugs come from, we fear this may be bad news for the moment. One time some dude in Canada got majorly busted and all of Boston, many miles away!, was dry for like a month. In the summer. Hopefully this isn't that bad.

Though maybe a dry spell would be good for the safety of America's roadways. The director of the U.S. Office of National Drug Control Policy recently issued a warning about people drugging and driving. While drunk driving stats have been in a down trend of late, these days one sixth of drivers "will be under the influence of an illicit or licit drug" on your typical weekend. This is why we are glad we don't drive in New York! Though, other people do. People from New Jersey. And we all know what they're up to. (Being dumb and getting caught and ruining all our fun. Though greatly reducing our Parmesan Goldfish consumption.)

And that, brahs, is Today In Drugs.

Ben might well be our favorite Lost character these days — and last night's episode helped remind us why. (It also improved Ben's standing in the awesomeness sweepstakes by making our other two favorite current characters, Miles and Hurley, seem dickish and weak, respectively. But more on that later.) Michael Emerson proved, yet again, that he's probably the best actor on this show, taking some really tough material and just going all-out with it.

I think a big reason why the "flash sideways" in the recent episodes haven't always worked for me as well as they might is the fact that the characters still feel the same. We don't really get to see a different side of these people, or a different version where things worked out really differently. They've tried, a bit, but Island Jack and L.A. Jack just feel like the same guy to me, even with the kid in the mix. But you would not mistake the two versions of Ben in last night's episode for the same person, apart from a few of the same character beats.

L.A. Ben is meek and good-natured, but with a healthy dose of self-loathing over being a "loser." (And he's the second character we've seen whose major daddy issues don't exist in this alternate timeline.) He's no longer Alex's adoptive father, but thanks to some piece of synchronicity, he's still in her life, in a much healthier way. Even when L.A. Ben discovers in himself a piece of Island Ben's famous manipulative streak, it's much more tentative (and less masterful) than the "original" Ben's handiwork. Unless, of course, Ben actually wanted the principal to keep his job but be his bitch? And he maneuvered Reynolds into thinking he'd won? (Nice job casting Dickless as the principal, by the way!)

Meanwhile, Island Ben is not the man he used to be either — he seriously seems to have lost his mojo, unless that's just an act. He's terrified, wracked with remorse, confused, and unable to spin a convincing lie to save his life. Even when he's telling the truth, he looks like he's lying. And that's before he opens his heart to Illana in the heart-rending clip above. His face goes through so many expressions in that one scene, every one of which tells its own story. It's an amazing performance. And yes, it's nice to be reminded of the impact that Alex's death had on Ben — after all, that's how Smokey got a hold on Ben in the first place — by confronting Ben with Alex's "ghost" and having her tell him to obey Flocke's every whim. It really feels like we're seeing into the heart of Ben.

And of course, while Ben pours out his regrets for the death of Alex, the other Ben is refusing to push Alex under a bus this time around, for the sake of power. Have the two Bens learned something?

And yet, I still hope this is a giant fake-out. Something about the idea of Ben redeeming himself just doesn't sit right with me — maybe partly because this show really needs a good villain. Not that Smokey doesn't have his moments of lovely nastiness, but he's just not quite a Ben-level villain yet. (And actually, this is a problem — it feels like the show is trying really hard to show us how bad-ass Smokey is, by having everybody act terrified of him, including Richard Alpert, and showing how he yanked Ben's chain. But the more the show yells at me "SMOKEY IS REALLY SCARY! REALLY!", the less convinced I am. Hmm.)

Ben is one of the all-time great characters on television, and one of the main reasons why Lost will be talked about for decades to come. It's been toothache-level painful to see him so confused and low this season — which I'm sure is the point. But Ben deserves something better than the bog-standard "evil manipulator hits rock bottom, then discovers his inner goodness" arc. Ben deserves something really rich and complicated.

Suffering, leading to redemption, is for lesser characters.

Plus redemption, in Ben's case, would probably mean accepting his status as a pawn, and deciding to be Jacob's pawn instead of Smokey's. The Ben arc I really want to see involves Ben getting his self-respect back, no matter what the cost. I want to see Ben get the better of both Smokey and the smug ghost of Jacob, who have both been using him for far too long. Jacob really deserved what he got, especially from Ben's perspective, and Smokey deserves worse. So let's hope this whole "remorse" thing is at least partly an act, and Ben has some master plan.

Also notable in last night's "A" storyline was the first occasion on which someone in the L.A.-verse has mentioned the island — Roger Linus, who apparently did join the Dharma Initiative in this universe. It's a tad confusing — so Roger and his son Ben did go to the island, and Ethan was presumably still born there. But now they're all in L.A.? How? I don't see how the hydrogen bomb going off in 1977 can explain this. Maybe it's because in the L.A.-verse, the Losties never time-traveled back to 1977, and thus Sayid never shot Ben? (And yes, I know that this universe was created because the Losties traveled back to 1977 and set off that bomb. But it seems as though the divergences from that event must have gone backwards as well as forwards, or Roger and Ben would have sunk with the island.)

So meanwhile, in the "B" plot, it seems like Jack really only has one card up his sleeve nowadays — attempted suicide. Somebody gives Jack a pill for Sayid? He attempts suicide. Somebody wants to blow himself up? He attempts suicide. What does Jack do if someone cuts him off in traffic?

It was neat, though, how Hurley namechecked Arzt in an episode where Arzt made a major comeback.

Oh, and it turns out Jacob was absolutely right about Jack — he just needed to go sit on a hill and brood for a few minutes, and he came around to Jacob's point of view utterly. Jack now totally swallows the "I was brought here for a reason" line once again and is 100 percent ready to be Jacob's monkey-puppet, because Jacob let him see the lighthouse with the mirror showing his childhood house. (Didn't Jack swear that he was done with the "I'm here for a reason" thing, after the last time, when he basically killed Juliet?)

So now that Jacob is dead and Smokey is strutting around in his new, fine-looking body, Richard Alpert is filled with despair and wants to end it all. But because he was touched by Jacob, Richard Alpert can't kill himself — he needs Jack to do it for him, in the most baroque, cartoony way possible.

I guess we're supposed to think that Jack and the other people touched by Jacob are immortal now — although, obviously, Sayid was able to die, for a while anyway. A thousand years of Jack doing his Guilt Guy schtick sounds pretty scary. Is it just that anyone touched by Jacob doesn't age and can't commit suicide? I'm assuming the bomb would have gone off if Jack had left the Black Rock the way Richard wanted him to. So can anyone kill Richard Alpert, or just a candidate, like Jack?

And then the episode ends with the endless slow-mo reunion between Jack, Hurley and Alpert and the gang on the beach, with Ben standing off to one side like the outcast he is. And then the giant reveal that the guy who's coming to the island is our other favorite old villain — the ultra nasty Charles Widmore, in a submarine! Fuck yeah.

I guess we'll get more answers in two weeks, when the giant "Richard Alpert's Excellent Adventure" episode airs. But when do we get the "Ben's Big Score" episode? Come on, Lost!

You know the story about the woman who has a ribbon around her neck, and when it's finally removed her head falls off? I wonder if that ribbon was a light-minty color.


I imagine Lady Gaga might wear this for a more relaxed endeavor, like grocery shopping or somesuch.


The shape reminds me of one of those inflatable punch-em clowns that you could never knock down, but with better detailing.


Again, more interesting details and embellishments — but this dress is not a sum of its parts. Exact opposite, in fact.


Coming soon to a swinging boutique on Carnaby Street!


Okay, now I'm getting tired of this fabric.


Contrary to my instincts, I find myself enjoying the unexpected pairing of lavender and tangerine.


If this dress were cut a little more snug, I could see it being sported to a premiere of some sort. By Leighton Meester, maybe, who'd probably biff the whole thing.


This… Coat? Dress? Whatever it is, I like the silhouette. Hits the goth-y mark.


For Miu Miu, best to always bet on black. This tunic would rock my leggings pretty hard.


I like this piece, but are those spats she's wearing?


Okay, now we can finally address the makeup. Which is funky without being overwhelming — and it matches the collection. [Slow, admiring applause.]


The cool tailoring here makes this coat a keeper. I love it when people sport unexpected winter coats — keeps a dreary season a little more interesting.


Speaking of interesting coats! Loosen up the collar on this one, and send it out to on the town.